Stop Fighting the Tide: How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Helps You Reclaim Your Life
- Carolyn McConnell
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
If there is one sentence I hear most often in the therapy room, it is this: “I just want to stop feeling this way.”
Whether you are navigating the agonizing "two-week wait" of fertility treatment, the white-knuckle moments of early recovery, or the silent drift in your marriage, the instinct is the same. We want to control the pain. We want to push the anxiety away, silence the intrusive thoughts, and get back to "normal."
But here is the hard truth about the human mind: The more we fight our difficult emotions, the stronger they become. It is like standing in the ocean and trying to hold back the tide with your hands. You end up exhausted, wet, and exactly where you started—only now, you have no energy left to swim.
This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) changes the conversation.
In my practice at ECA Recovery and Wellness, I use ACT not to "fix" your feelings, but to change your relationship with them. It is an approach that allows you to stop fighting the tide so you can finally start swimming toward the life you want.
What is ACT? (And What It Isn’t)
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is an evidence-based form of behavioral therapy that focuses on Psychological Flexibility.
Many clients fear that "Acceptance" means giving up or resigning yourself to misery. That is a misconception. In ACT, acceptance doesn’t mean liking your pain; it simply means making room for it. It means acknowledging that grief, anxiety, and cravings are part of the human experience, rather than enemies to be destroyed.
The goal isn’t to empty your mind of bad thoughts. The goal is to "unhook" from them so they no longer drive the bus.
How ACT Works: Values vs. Goals
In our sessions, we shift the focus from Goals (which are often out of our control) to Values (which are always within our reach).
A Goal is a destination: Getting pregnant, staying sober for 30 days, or getting your partner to agree with you.
A Value is a compass direction: Being a loving parent, prioritizing health, or acting with integrity.
When we focus solely on goals, we are often set up for suffering because life—especially in the realms of fertility and addiction—is unpredictable. ACT teaches us to take Committed Action toward our values, regardless of what the "weather" in our head looks like today.
How ACT Helps You Navigate the Terrain
Here is how this approach looks in the specific "unseen terrains" we navigate together:
The fertility journey is rife with uncertainty. You cannot control the outcome of an IVF cycle or a pregnancy test. When anxiety says, "This will never work," we usually try to fight it with toxic positivity ("Just stay positive!"). ACT teaches us a different way. We acknowledge the fear: "I notice I’m having the thought that this won't work." We let that thought sit in the passenger seat while you continue to drive the car toward your values—taking care of your body, connecting with your partner, and finding purpose in the waiting.
In recovery, an urge can feel like a command: "I need a drink to handle this stress." ACT helps us practice "Urge Surfing." Instead of fighting the craving or giving in to it, we watch it rise and fall like a wave. We learn that we can feel an intense urge and still take action that aligns with recovery. We build an identity that is bigger than the substance.
Conflict often stems from trying to change our partner’s internal world. We get stuck in a tug-of-war of defensiveness. Using ACT, we practice dropping the rope. We accept that our partner sees things differently, and we focus on our own behavior. We ask: "Even if I am angry right now, what is the most loving step I can take toward this relationship?" It allows us to act like the partner we want to be, even when the feelings aren't matching up yet.
The Path Forward
You do not have to wait for the storm to pass before you start living.
Therapy is the training ground where we build this muscle. We practice unhooking from the spiral, identifying what truly matters to you, and taking small, brave steps in that direction.
If you are tired of fighting the terrain and ready to start navigating it with confidence, let’s talk. You might be surprised at how much freedom you find when you finally stop fighting the tide.
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